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I’m having difficulty knowing how to begin this post. My last post was fueled by anger and frustration so it came much more easily; adrenaline makes an excellent writing partner.

But this post is more difficult. With the rage came fire and energy and productivity. Part of me was grateful for that because it kept the sadness at bay. But once that rage had cooled and that fire burned down to ashes, all that was left was the sadness. And with the sadness came the inevitable depression.

I am not an expert in anyone’s mental health but my own and even there I sometimes need help. I recognized the depression; it was not our first encounter and I doubt it will be our last. My family recognized it as well, and, being the amazing support system they are, they did not try to snap me out of it. Sure, they would call and check on me, send encouraging texts and gifs, but they also knew that I had to grieve. And they gave me the space to do just that. Also, dogs. Depression is more bearable with dogs.

Somewhere in the middle of my depressive episode, my sister invited me to come to her house to play with my niece and eat lasagna.

And because this is the way my brain works, I immediately thought about garlic bread to go with lasagna. But I didn’t want to have to go out and buy bread. So then I thought about making bread. But I didn’t want to have to make three loaves (which is what my french bread recipe makes) and I didn’t want to deal with cutting the recipe down. And I thought, “I wonder if you can make cinnamon buns, but with garlic bread filling.”

And then I took a nap because when you are depressed, even thinking can be exhausting.

So Saturday rolls around and I didn’t want to do anything. But I was still going to my sisters and I was still thinking about garlic rolls, so I just got up and started (which is all anyone can do).

You begin by blooming yeast in lukewarm milk with a bit of sugar. I always hate when recipes call for “lukewarm” because what does that even mean? I don’t want to kill my yeast because I have a higher heat tolerance than then next person. Just so you know: lukewarm means around 110F. How do you know when something reaches that temp? Stick a thermometer in it. I’m not even kidding.

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While the yeast blooms, add flour, sugar, salt, eggs, and diced butter to the bowl of your stand mixer. Add the bloomed milk mixture.

Using the dough hook attachment, mix ingredients on medium until ingredients come together. Knead on high until dough is smooth and somewhat soft. Transfer the dough to a large well greased bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and let proof in a warm spot until doubled in size.

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Once the dough has doubled, lightly punch it down and transfer to a lightly floured surface. Roll dough out into a large rectangle about a 1/4in thick. Spread softened butter over the dough, leaving about a 1/2 in barrier on all sides. Sprinkle butter with chopped garlic, grated parmesan, parsley, and paprika.

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Here is probably a good place to tell you that I normally suck at cinnamon buns. I can never get the thickness even and cutting them is always a nightmare. So I was surprised as anyone at the results these next steps!

Roll into a tight log lengthwise. Pinch dough together to seal. Cut the log into 12 even pieces. Transfer to a well greased 9/13 baking dish and cover with plastic wrap. Let dough proof in a warm spot until doubled in size. Since I wanted them to be fresh baked for dinner, that warm spot was my car.

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In answer to your question: yes, those are dog treats in my car. Why, you ask? Because I’m the kind of person who has to stop to help a lost dog on the street so I keep treats in my car.

Bake proofed garlic buns at 350F for 30-35 minutes or until puffed and golden brown. As they cool a bit, melt some butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add more chopped garlic and cook until garlic has softened. Brush mixture over the warm buns and serve!

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Adapted from The Candid Appetite